Have a great weekend!!!!!!!
The Lord's unfailing LOVE and MERCY still continue. Fresh as the morning, as sure as the sunrise
Friday, October 22, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Co-Dependent
I have to tell you some more truths. I am an EXTREMELY co-dependent person. I got pregnant when I was 19 and have been with some sort of man, boy, boy-man, man-child, (come on...aren't they really all one in the same?) since. When my second husband left me HIGH and DRY with two children (one a baby) I was immediately searching for the next one to at least help take care of me. Co-dependence. I found...well...several. 
None of them ever darkened my front door, but they were there to provide me with the things I felt I needed. Companionship (however brief), making me feel like I was important, (however even BRIEFER), and...well...money. Really the only thing I was seeking at the time. After all, my new little restaurant job wasn't paying the bills that were piling up on a single mom of two...who had an increasing alcohol and prescription pain pill addiction. Co-dependence. Numbness. Then I met my current husband. He was the best provider of it all. He was handsome and paid attention to me, he helped me with money and I didn't have to do anything weird or uncomfortable to obtain it. He had alcohol in abundance. He had drugs. SCORE! Then I lost my job....and moved in with him. Co-dependence. Fear. We had some great times, we had some horrible times. Times occasionally got out of hand and I would end up with large bruises and scars on my body. But he was "taking care of me". Co-dependence. A Prison. We made it through storm after storm after storm, and somewhere along the line things just clicked in his head. This isn't life. This isn't the life we agreed we wanted. We are never going to make it to our future if we stay on this rigid path. So he stopped the drugs. He stopped the drinking. Co
-dependence? I wasn't ready to stop, but now I was all alone doing it and that was no fun. We got married one gorgeous June afternoon, just us and the pastor in the middle of a park with a lovely gazebo behind us. Immediately after we said our I Do's and got back in the car...the sun disappeared and there was a downpour. Then as quickly as it began, the crying clouds dispersed and a rainbow emerged. It was like a metaphor for our entire relationship. And the floodgates behind my eyes erupted. It was still several months before I would feel the tug on my heart strings from my Father in heaven saying that's enough now, return to Me...I have much greater things in store. Co-Dependence. That's the kind I can live with. But now I am a married woman. With a husband...who though loves me dearly, and luckily struggles with the same things I do, he has never met my Maker. He asks questions about Him almost daily, (especially now that he sees his bride falling head over heels in love with her Savior). But that joy, that peace, that un-conditional love, it's an enigma to him. He's only known bad, rebellious, lost, Satan gripped Jessica. This reborn, shaken to the quick, cry at the drop of a hat, broken, humble, newly co-dependent on the King of all Kings Jessica is confusing and doesn't look quite right. I can't talk my husband into walking to the cross with me. But I can walk there, hold out my hand, and beckon him to come with me, beside me...so together we can rest awhile at HIS feet together. Fall in HIS arms...and as man and wife, experience that co-dependency that we were made to feel.
Co-Dependent? Here's more informationWednesday, October 20, 2010
It's Already Been Decided
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. Romans 8:28-30
God has already decided to make you more and more like Jesus!
Because He's committed to this process in your life, God uses every circumstance in your life to shape you to this end. Even when evil things come into your life from evil sources, God's able to take those experiences and use them to strengthen you, get your attention, and refocus your life on Him. Read that first sentence of today's passage again. Lock it into your mind. When difficult times come, trust God.
As you read the whole passage it becomes clear that this work of God to make you like Jesus is a continuous process that starts when you're born again and continues until you're finally with God in heaven, "glorified."
God's reminding you (and me!) today that while He's constantly working through your circumstances, they'll only make you more like Christ if you respond to them with trust in God and a willingness to choose His way in your life.
Dig Deeper!
Because He's committed to this process in your life, God uses every circumstance in your life to shape you to this end. Even when evil things come into your life from evil sources, God's able to take those experiences and use them to strengthen you, get your attention, and refocus your life on Him. Read that first sentence of today's passage again. Lock it into your mind. When difficult times come, trust God.
As you read the whole passage it becomes clear that this work of God to make you like Jesus is a continuous process that starts when you're born again and continues until you're finally with God in heaven, "glorified."
God's reminding you (and me!) today that while He's constantly working through your circumstances, they'll only make you more like Christ if you respond to them with trust in God and a willingness to choose His way in your life.
Dig Deeper!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
I Am Free
My name is Jessica. I'm a 29 year old housewife and mother of two, step mother to 4. I love to blog about simple things like cooking, books, homeschooling, and home life. As much as I envy those cute, happily ever after, life appears to have gone smoothly blogs, as much as I have tried to imitate, I just can't. That's not me. That's not the path I chose. I took a much harder, rockier one, and on occasion...it chose me. Although I am now just a simple housewife, the road has been anything BUT simple. I've also been:
Divorced twice, arrested, molested, sexually assaulted, verbally/emotionally/physically abused. Addicted to drugs, food, pornography, sex, self mutilation, and alcohol. I've had 3 miscarriages. I have attempted suicide and have been put on psychiatric watch for days at a time. I have exchanged sexual favors for money and/or drugs. I suffer from depression and am on medication to stable my imbalances. I've lost countless friends and family: some to death, other's by my own selfish deeds. So why am I here?
Because I have a God. I have a Savior that is bigger than all that has, (and still does!) tempt me. I have a friend, lover of my soul, Father, companion, guide, Teacher, Master that has wept with me while I was weeping, (and wept for me while I was too distracted to notice...or care). Who held onto me refusing to give up. A God who wanted to take me to the mountain top, but gave me free will, and let me fall into and wallow in the pit for awhile. So, though this blog I pray will for the most part be upbeat and restoring, I can't pretend I come from a place as simple as most of those, "mommy blogs" out there. My dark past is a cross I bear that I use to hide but now use as a testimony of where I've been, and by HIS grace alone will never return. I must daily be restored in HIM! God bless you, I'm praying that you be restored right along with me!
Divorced twice, arrested, molested, sexually assaulted, verbally/emotionally/physically abused. Addicted to drugs, food, pornography, sex, self mutilation, and alcohol. I've had 3 miscarriages. I have attempted suicide and have been put on psychiatric watch for days at a time. I have exchanged sexual favors for money and/or drugs. I suffer from depression and am on medication to stable my imbalances. I've lost countless friends and family: some to death, other's by my own selfish deeds. So why am I here?
Because I have a God. I have a Savior that is bigger than all that has, (and still does!) tempt me. I have a friend, lover of my soul, Father, companion, guide, Teacher, Master that has wept with me while I was weeping, (and wept for me while I was too distracted to notice...or care). Who held onto me refusing to give up. A God who wanted to take me to the mountain top, but gave me free will, and let me fall into and wallow in the pit for awhile. So, though this blog I pray will for the most part be upbeat and restoring, I can't pretend I come from a place as simple as most of those, "mommy blogs" out there. My dark past is a cross I bear that I use to hide but now use as a testimony of where I've been, and by HIS grace alone will never return. I must daily be restored in HIM! God bless you, I'm praying that you be restored right along with me!
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