Wow. December seems like a lifetime ago. But really, a life can change in the span of a second, almost 4 months is incredible. Life is spectacular. Today anyway. I am constantly covered, cared for, loved! So what's not to be spectacular? My family is so sweet, my friends are precious, my God is good. So why can't the spectacular last, like the Utopia drug feens chase after. Ah...because I live on earth. Right. The fallen place. The purgatory suspended somewhere between heaven and hell.
Things have changed greatly. I'm alone for quite literally the first time in my life. I went from the protection and care of my mother straight into the arms of some man for the past 10 years. I didn't think I could do it on my own. I didn't know how strong and capable I am. I didn't know how strong this fiber was. I know now. And it's a hard lesson, but I'm enjoying the learning. I'm too old to not recognize a lesson when I see (or am in) one. It's just me and my kids. I'm now their earthly protection, their guide, their model to see that struggle happens, but so does sweet rest after it's done. My family and friends have been so amazing. It's odd, I've actually lost more of both after doing what they all wanted me do than when I was "in it"and they were trying to coax me out. Why is that I wonder? It makes little to no sense, but I have grieved their loss as an actual death, and now am watching the beauty emerging before me. There are also restored relationships, brand new ones. As glorious and as welcome as a spring day after a very very long, dark winter.